Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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