I wish I could teleport
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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