I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
