sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
