The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
