Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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