You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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