You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
