is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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