Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
