Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
