We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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