I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
