I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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