I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
