Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
