i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
