; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
