i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
