if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
