Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
