i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
