you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
