Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
