I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
