from now on my penis is your penis
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
