so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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