i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
FUCK WHALES
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
