You can't motorboat a personality
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
