i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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