Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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