Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
