Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
