Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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