he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
