Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
