so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
