Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ate ashes out of my bong
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
