ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
