You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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