Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Two words: nipple clamps
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