So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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