too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
