Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
