i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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