I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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