Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
