it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
