I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
