my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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