Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
