I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
