god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
