just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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